iLie Here Alone
by Mizz-Maddnezz-Tells
Summary: After a suicidal attempt takes the last bit of happiness from Freddie he is left alone with an unexpected friend to comfort him. Full summary inside. Please Check it out! Read and Review.
1. Blood, Bath and Beyond

Chapter 1

Hey, it's Mizz Maddnezz again with another multi chapter iCarly fanfic!

Summary: After a suicidal attempt takes the last bit of happiness from Freddie he is left alone and scared with a surprising comforter to hold him, but is the pain too much for Freddie to control even with the help of this person and how close must he get to them before he finally finds himself again?

Disclaimer: I wish I owned iCarly but I don't so I shall just rely on fanfiction to bring couples together and start some freaking drama in one of the greatest Nickelodeon shows there is.

Hope that you enjoy!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freddie held his head in his hands as his body shook. His sobs could be heard throughout the Shay apartment but supposedly no one could hear them. Carly and Sam had left an hour ago to attend the winter dance and Spencer was meeting with a client so no one would be back for a while. Freddy hadn't planned on having a breakdown when he came over. He just needed to get his tool box he accidently left in the studio. Luckily, he knew where they kept a hidden key in the hallway, under the edge of the rug right next to the door, so he was able to get in.

His mother had passed away a few months back after a car accident and he didn't need to ask for permission to leave the apartment anymore. Luckily he had won the court case to be able to live on his own. He had a job already, working as a tech producer of a new TV show as well as iCarly and he would be turning eighteen in a few weeks. He left his apartment and crossed the hall into the Shay apartment.

But like what was said before, he hadn't planned on having a breakdown. After getting his tool box and starting down the stairs, a piece of folded paper caught his eye. Out of instinct, he bent over and picked it up, unfolding it quickly. It had been a note to Carly from the boy she had a crush on at the moment. She had asked him to go to the dance with her but he had been convinced she was going out with Freddie. Freddie painfully read the rest of the note as she explained how much she didn't want to go out with Freddie.

It had hurt him that she would have so much to say about why she didn't want to date him but what really killed him was that she told all of this to a boy that messed with him every single day. He accepted a long time ago, that he would give up on dating her but this was too much. Even a friend shouldn't say those kinds of things.

He had tried as hard as he could to hold back his tears as he went down the stairs and partially through the living room but it was too late to get to his own room in his own apartment. He collapsed on the couch and sobbed, the pain taking him over. The tears poured onto the cushion as he beat his fist against the cloth, in a desperate act to take out his anger and hurt on something that he wouldn't feel guilty about beating.

It was too much for him. He had spent the last months trying to hide all of this pain and it was finally too much. He stood, his fists clenched, and walked into the kitchen. He went through the familiar drawers and pulled out a small filleting knife. The blade was thin and razor sharp, made to cut through chunks of meat with ease. He carried the knife into the bathroom and set it on the sink. He went through Spencer's desk and found a paper and pencil. After jotting down a few goodbyes to a few people he signed his name and folded the note, setting it on the sink beside the knife.

"This is it," Freddie whispered with a cracking voice, the tears flowing down his cheeks. He picked up the knife and held it to his wrist. Anatomy class had taught him exactly where the most important veins were collected in his arm. The stared down as he pressed the blade against his skin and slashed it across the veins, cutting it deeply. He held the blade in midair, blood dripping from the tip, as the dark red substance started to bead at the cut and drip down his arm.

His entire body was numb from any pain as he held his arm over the sink, the blood flowing faster and dripping onto the porcelain of the sink and down into the drain. He could feel himself getting light headed as more and more blood slipped from his body. He could feel his knees buckling under him as he fell down onto the ground. He held his arm to his chest and let the blood smear on his shirt. The iron stench filled the room as he let the liquid fall onto the floor and over his clothes. His eyes blurred as his body started to sway from weakness. He looked up as the door slowly opened and someone he could make out stared down at him. The world was silent as Freddie's eyes closed to the darkness.

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and lift him off of the floor. Unable to move from weakness he let the person carry him.

'_It too late,' _Freddy said in his mind, _'I'm going to die and it's too late to save me buddy.'_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freddie eyes fluttered as he looked around the white room. A man in a white cloak stood next to him.

"Am I dead?" Freddy asked.

"Oh of course not," The man said. Freddie's vision cleared and he looked up at the man, noticing the white cloak was a doctor's robe.

"What happened?" Freddie said sitting up, "Why didn't it work?!"

"Freddie," A voice said from the door. Freddie turned to see Spencer looking down at him from the threshold. Spencer looked over at the doctor, "Can I talk to him for a moment?"

"Yes of course," the doctor said leaving the room.

"Freddie," Spencer said walking over and standing next to him, "I told the doctors that you hurt yourself when you got aggravated while we were scaling fish and the knife slipped."

"Why did you tell them that?" Freddie said angrily, "Why didn't you tell them the truth?"

"I told them because it was too painful to try to say you cut your own wrist," Spencer said.

"But why," Freddie said, his voice rising, "I did it to myself for a reason. Why did you save me?"

"Why wouldn't I save you Freddie?" Spencer said.

"I am not worth saving," Freddie said, "I didn't want to be saved. I welcomed death with open arms!"

"But I couldn't," Spencer said, "I could let you take your own life away! You have so much going for you!"

"No I don't! Yeah I have a prodigy job," Freddy said, "But all I have ever wanted was someone to hold me! No one loves me and no one ever will! I don't-"

Freddie was cut off as Spencer leaned in and placed his lips on Freddie's. He held their lips together for a moment, sharing a kiss and pulled away.

"Oh crap," Spencer said slapping his hands over his lips. Freddie stared up at Spencer unbelievably as he turned and walked out of the room quickly. He stared at the door as it shut, leaving him alone in the room. His reached up with his good hand and slipped the tips of his fingers across his lips. He stared down at the bandage wrapped around his arm. He slipped his legs out from under the thin blanket and with his hand still on his lips he got dressed and left the hospital, starting the long walk home. He had a lot of thinking to do.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

He stopped in front of his own apartment and turned to look at the Shay door. It was Saturday night. Carly would be with Sam at the theatre, watching the new vampire movie they had been waiting to see. He reached up with his good hand and tapped his knuckles against the door softly.

"One second," He could hear Spencer yell from inside the apartment. He stood in front of the door, his palms sweating, waiting for the man to open the door.

"Yeah," Spencer said as he opened the door. He looked down at Freddie, "Oh hey."

"Spencer we have to talk," Freddie said.

"Yeah we do," Spencer said opening the door and letting Freddie past. Freddie walked in and sat down on the couch. He had known this apartment for many years but today the familiar room seemed different. He waited while Spencer closed the door and walked over.

"Would you like something to drink?" Spencer asked.

"Can we just talk," Freddie said.

"Okay," Spencer said sitting next to Freddie, "I'm sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have done that."

"Spencer, please," Freddie said shaking his head, "No apologies okay? I need to tell you something."

Spencer waited as Freddie shifted in his seat and spoke.

"I don't want to be with you," Freddie said, "I see no reason to be with anybody anymore. I don't want a relationship. Either ill hurt someone or they will hurt me. That's what a relationship is. Someone will get hurt."

"But," Spencer stared.

"No," Freddie said as he stood and walked towards the door, "Could you please tell Sam and Carly to leave me alone for a little while. I want to be alone and I don't want anyone to mess with me."

"Freddie," Spencer said standing and grabbing Freddie's arm.

"Spencer," Freddie said looking at him, "Please, I don't want to hurt you or get hurt by anyone."

"I won't hurt you," Spencer pleaded.

"But ill hurt you," Freddie whispered pulling his arm away from Spencer's grip and turning, "No matter what someone will get hurt and the last thing I want is you upset."

Spencer stood and watched as Freddie closed the door in shock. He had spent the entire afternoon thinking of a way to ask Freddie out and here he was, a grown man, tearing up over a boy telling him he didn't want to hurt him.

"He's strong," Spencer thought aloud, "I would not have been able to do that."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freddie closed the door behind him and walked across the hallway to his own apartment. He opened the door and stepped in closing the door behind him. He stood in the dim light of the one lamp that was on the table. He pressed his back against the door and closed his eyes, a sob escaping his lips. He cried out in emotional pain as he slid down onto the floor and wrapped his arms around his legs. He just did the hardest thing in his life. It was harder then saying goodbye to his mother for the last time. Once again he had lost someone he loved. He lied there on the floor alone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry Freddie is so emo but hey depression is a bitch! Don't worry; there will be happier chap's I promise!!

Loves, Hugzz and Tacozz,

Mizz Maddnezz


	2. Razors and Peroxide

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I wish I owned iCarly but I don't so I shall just rely on fanfiction to bring couples together and start some freaking drama in one of the greatest Nickelodeon shows there is.

Hope that you enjoy!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freddy stood in the shower as the hot water flowed over his body. He had taken the wrap off his wrist for the first time since he sliced it open a week ago. Luckily summer had started and he didn't have to face school and the show he was producing was letting all of their employees have a three week vacation. He looked down at the six stitches that held his skin in place. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he stepped out of the shower and turned off the water. He wiped the mirror with his towel and looked at himself. His face was red from the hot water but puffy from his tears that had fallen past the last week.

"Why did you do that?" He whispered to himself, "Spencer liked you and you just crush it right there. I was going to hurt him no matter what, might as well have done it then. You could have been happy for a little while. No I wouldn't."

Freddy shook his head. He had been talking to himself, even fighting with himself since he secluded himself from everyone. His mind was slowly deteriorating. He shook his head tears slipped down his cheeks once again. His heart weighed down on his ribs in his chest as he reached over and grabbed his shaving razor. He held it for a moment looking into the mirror. He suddenly set it back onto the sink and grabbed the shaving cream can. He slammed it on to the plastic razor breaking it apart. The medal blade fell to the ground with a little clink.

Freddy bent over and picked up the razor. He held it between his fingers and held it to his arm he had cut before, higher up the arm and slid it across his skin. The not so deep cut stung for a moment then a bead of blood appeared. He slid the blade across his arm again, and then again and again. The little cuts appeared down his arm leaving a trail of beads of dark red blood. Freddy set the blade on the sink and started to get dressed, letting the little drops of blood slide down his arm just like the tears that slid down his cheeks.

This was the fourth time he had done this. His left and right arms were covered in small cuts. He made them small so that the scars would not show later on in life but her made many of them .He was running out of space on his arms. He wasn't exactly sure why he cut. It's not like it would help his problems but somewhere in his head he would hear a voice whisper.

"As long as you bleed," The voice would say softly, "Everyone else hurts a little less."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Where is Freddy?" Carly asked Spencer as she sat down on the couch, "I haven't seen him in a little while."

"He said he wanted to be left alone," Spencer said as he did the dishes. His body had stiffened at the mention of the boy's name. He hadn't spoken about him since he had left him standing alone in the empty apartment a week ago.

"What's wrong with him?" Carly asked.

"I-I don't know," Spencer said stuttering on the simple word. He set the dish he had been working on in the drainer and dried his hands on the cloth next to him on the counter, "I'm going to go talk to him."

"Alright," Carly said, "Tell him I said hi."

"Okay," Spencer said walking towards the door. He had planned on going to see Freddie earlier that morning so this was in his schedule. He left the apartment, closing the door behind him and knocked on the door across from his own. After a few moments the door unlocked and Freddie opened the door slowly, peering out behind puffy red cheeks.

"Spencer," Freddie whispered.

"Hey Freddie," Spencer said, waiting for Freddie to open the door a little wider. As Freddie did as Spencer wanted, Spencer stepped into the apartment. The usual spotless bright living room was dim and scattered with liter. Spencer turned his attention to Freddie and waited for him to shut the door.

"Spencer," Freddie started, closing the door, "I still have my mind made up."

"I know you do Freddie," Spencer said, "I just wanted to check on you."

"Do you want something to drink?" Freddie offered just as Spencer had.

"Just water," Spencer said watching Freddie go into the kitchen and open a cupboard. Just as Freddie reached for a cup his sleeve fell down his arm to his elbow. Spencer stood at the sight of the many cuts.

"Freddie," Spencer gasped walking over and grabbing his upper arm right under his shoulder and turning his arm around, "What are these?"

"There nothing," Freddie growled yanking his arm back and pulling his sleeve down.

"Freddie, please listen to me," Spencer said taking his hand and looking into his eyes, "You have to stop this."

"Why should I?" Freddie growled turning away from Spencer.

"It's killing me to see you like this," Spencer said.

"Is that all that matters?" Freddie asked turning to look Spencer straight in the eyes, "It's killing you? That's all you care about is how what I do effects you!"

"Freddie," Spencer said, probably a little too loudly, "You need to stop hurting yourself. You're going to go too far."

"And what if I do?" Freddie said, "Who the hell would care?"

"Why do you think I am standing here?" Spencer said staring down at Freddie, "I would not be even close to you right now if I didn't care about you."

"It doesn't matter," Freddie said, "I'm not worth the try."

"Please let me help you Freddie," Spencer said grabbing his arm once again and pulling him closer to him.

"I don't want to be helped," Freddie said, "Please just leave me alone to waste away!"

"I won't let you hurt yourself anymore," Spencer said pulling him even closer.

"Spencer," Freddie yelled, "I don't want you help!"

"Well you're going to get my help whether you like it or not," Spencer said wrapping his arms around Freddie as he struggled.

"No!" Freddie cried out. He broke down into tears and held Spencer's arms crying, "I'll just hurt you."

"The hurt is worth it," Spencer said holding him as he sobbed.

"No I'm not," Freddie whimpered as he cried, "I'm not worth what you are."

"No, you're not," Spencer said rubbing his back softly, "You are worth a lot more."

Spencer held Freddie for what seemed hours, while he cried and whimpered. After his sobs reduced to sniffles, Spencer stood and led him into the bathroom almost as if he was a zombie, not really responding to anything. He took Freddie's shirt off and cleaned each cut with peroxide and then dabbed the larger of the small cuts with Neosporin putting band aids on them. He led Freddie into the bedroom and laid him on the bed and comforted him as he fell asleep.

After the boy had fallen into a deep sleep, Spencer walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a Wal-Mart bag. He went back into the bathroom and took each razor from the shelf and put it into the bag. He went into the kitchen and took every knife and placed them in a box. He went through drawers and desks to find every sharp object and put it into the bag with the razors. He set the bag and box next to the door. He would take those with him when he left. He started to clean up the apartment.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freddie awoke to silence. The clock next to his bed read two o'clock. He looked around. He had fallen asleep with a man next to him and now he lie here alone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

This is not going to be a long fanfic like my last one. Only about 5 Chapters. Do you like this story? I don't know if I will write another chapter. Should I?


	3. Pictures On The Wall

Chapter 3

Well as my reviewers requested I am writing chapter three.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned iCarly but I don't so I shall just rely on fanfiction to bring couples together and start some freaking drama in one of the greatest Nickelodeon shows there is.

Hope that you enjoy!

(Oh yeah and I use reference to a powder keg in a few paragraphs. Just in case you don't know what I mean by that, a powder keg is a barrel of gun powder. Just making sure no one gets confused)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Freddie," Spencer said knocking on the door with his knee. His hands were full. He was balancing two full plates of eggs, bacon and biscuits in one two overfilled glasses of orange juice in the other. It took a few moments before the door slowly opened before him and Freddie stepped aside. Spencer walked in and set the two plates on the table with the glasses.

"Made breakfast," Spencer said, "You're probably sick of Chinese take-out."

"Yeah kind of," Freddie said sitting in front of the plate.

"Carly says hi," Spencer said, "Even if you don't want to talk to anyone, everyone else misses you."

'Hm," Freddie said poking at the eggs and taking a bite silently. That's how their conversations went. Spencer would say something and Freddie would either mumble something or just stay silent. Spencer checked his arms every day and every day there were more cuts.

He knew there was no use calling a psychologist. For one, it cost way too much money and two, Freddie had always been able to talk to Spencer and he wouldn't now. What were the chances he'd open up instantly for a total stranger? So every day Spencer would go over to Freddie's house and eat with him and try to talk to him. After his fail attempt to stop him from cutting himself, he couldn't find what he was using to cut himself with so he wasn't able to take it away from him, he stopped trying. He first had to convince Freddie that life was worth living before he could make him live it.

"Everyone misses you," Spencer said, "Even Sam asked about you."

"Well she doesn't have her play thing to mess with anymore," Freddie said.

"She thinks of you more than just a play thing," Spencer said.

"Yeah right," Freddie said. They ate in silence.

"I have to go," Spencer said scooting his chair back, "Will you be okay alone?"

"I have been a lone for two months now Spencer," Freddy said, his first full sentence in a week, "I'll be okay for a few hours."

"Alright," Spencer said walking to the door, "If you need me then just call me. You know my number."

Freddy didn't say anything as Spencer walked out of the apartment. He didn't want to say anything. He stood and walked to the living room. On the DVD case filled with educational videos sat a small assortment of pictures in glass frames. Each picture showed a different scene but the same two smiling faces on various vacations. He reached up and took the picture of him and his mother at the Grand Canyon. They had had a lot of fun on that vacation and were planning on going again this summer until his mother died. The car accident had killed her right at the scene, even before the car stopped rolling on the gravel. Freddie could still see his mothers face as her last few seconds faded away. How the accident had started, no one knew except for Freddie. He knew every last detail of what had happened. His heart burned in his chest as he remembered that night.

_It was a new moon so the dark night seemed even blacker than usual. They had been stuck in the car for three hours after visiting Freddie's sick uncle in a hospital in California. Most of the ride had been quiet, both exhausted from the few days they spent in California. The air around them seemed thick and tense, almost as if they both knew what was about to happen. _

"_Mom," Freddie had said, the first words said in two hours, "I want to move out." _

_He was sitting in a powder keg and just gave off sparks._

"_Why?" His mother asked, looking over at him franticly._

"_You and I both know that I am mature for my age," Freddie said, "And I have a good job so I am secure money wise."_

"_That doesn't matter," Mrs. Benson had said, "You are staying with me until you graduate."_

"_I don't need you anymore," Freddie said. The little spark ignited the keg._

"_Don't need me?" Mrs. Benson said clenching the steering wheel, "What am I not doing for you? What am I doing wrong?"_

"_No mom," Freddie said, not exactly sure what to say to that, "That's not it."_

"_Yes it is," Mrs. Benson said getting slightly upset, "There is no other reason! I am doing something wrong."_

"_Mom," Freddie said, his aggravation of the ride getting the best of him, "You don't give me any freedom. I'm not even allowed to go get the mail without your permission."_

"_I don't want you to get hurt," His mother said her voice cracking; surprisingly she started to tear up._

"_Mom," Freddie said, "No one lives until they get hurt at least a little bit. You have me in this little world where all the corners and points are covered with pillows and the floor is covered in pillows. You're suffocating me in this world you call safe."_

_His mother stared at him, the pain filling her eyes. Freddie didn't know what to say he took his eyes away to the road just in time to see the headlights coming straight towards them. His mind went blank as the headlights grew larger and larger, coming closer. _

"_Mom," Freddie whispered. His mother turned her head just to see the truck collide with the front of their car. Almost as if in slow motion, Freddie watched his mother as she stood, her seatbelt already off, and threw herself in front of Freddie. The medal crashed around them and the glass shattered, splintering the air with horrific sounds. Freddie could hear the sound of cracking bone. He opened his eyes to his mothers face as blood splashed from her mouth, the two cars crushing her. _

"_Freddie," His mother whispered, her eyes filling with tears. The car lurched and spun over and over until it finally came to a stop. Freddie looked into his mothers eyes as the gleam that shined constantly faded until her eyes were as dull as old leather. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her body go limp on his._

"_Mom," Freddie said, fear creeping through every vein in his body, "Mom?" The silence that followed rang through his ears like roaring thunder in the depths of his body._

"_No," He cried trying but unable to move, "Please, no mom."_

Freddie held the picture in his hand as his body shook with his sobs. He raised his arm above his head and threw it down to the ground, the glass shattering on the floor. He fell to his knees and slammed his fist on the ground. He yanked his pants down his ankles and picked up the largest piece of glass. He held it to his thigh and sliced it across his skin, leaving a dark red gash. It was deeper than the ones he had done before. The glass was thinner and sharer than the piece of mirror he had been using.

Again, he pressed the glass against the skin and cut through the skin. A few moments, and cuts later, he pressed his face against the floor holding back the sobs he had hidden deep in his body. He clenched the picture of him and his mother in his hands smearing blood onto it.

"Freddie," His body stiffened at the sound of his name being called as the front door opened and closed Spencer stepped into view, "I forgot my jacket."

"Freddie," Spencer said grabbing his shoulders and lifting him into his lap, "Damn it Freddie."

"I can't take it," Freddie sobbed, "It's my entire fault."

"Listen to me," Spencer said, eyeing the picture in Freddie's hand, "You need to stop hurting yourself."

"It doesn't matter," Freddie cried, "I see no point in this anymore. I'm alone in this hellhole you call life and I need to get out of this, No one cares about me and no one loves me."

"Freddie," Spencer whispered taking the boys chin in his hand and turning his head to look into his eyes, "There is a lot more to life than you can see. You are the most talented person I have ever met and that's why I can't get enough of you. That's the only reason I am even here with you right now. I have spent months trying to find a way to tell you that my entire being revolves around you and I can't believe that it took me seeing you curled up on the ground to get the courage to tell you."

"What do you mean?" Freddie asked.

"I have had these strange feelings for you for months now," Spencer started, his voice shaking, "When I came home early that day and found you, I had actually came to talk to you about it. I didn't know how you would react or worse how you wouldn't. When I found you on the floor it absolutely killed me. I hate seeing you like this. You are more to me than you could ever believe and almost loosing you and seeing you with these cuts is the worst kind of pain anyone could feel."

"You're lying," Freddie said trying to pull away, "You're just trying to stop me from hurting myself anymore."

Spencer pulled him closer staring down into his eyes, a soft smile on his lips. He held his chin between his fingers and held him as he leaned in and pressed their lips together. Freddie felt Spencer slide his tongue across his lips, as if asking permission to enter. He spread his lips slightly and let Spencer kiss him deeply, letting their tongues swim together. Spencer let Freddie go and leaned back against the wall behind them. Freddy climbed onto Spencer and grabbed a hold of his shirt, kissing him deeply. Freddy pulled away, gasping for air and looked down at Spencer.

"I'm not lying," Spencer whispered wrapping his arms around Freddy's waist and pulling him close. Freddie, his eyes filling with tears collapsed into Spencer's arms. Once again, Spencer held Freddie as he cried.

"Spencer," Freddie whispered sniffling, "I am fragile right now. I'm really not sure how long I will be like this but you need to be ready to wait while I become myself again."

"Freddie," Spencer said smiling, "As long it doesn't involve you hurting yourself anymore, I will wait forever."

Freddie lay on Spencer's body, his own becoming weak, and buried his face in his shirt. Spencer held him close and sighed. This would be a long beginning to a long relationship.


	4. Authors Note

Authors note:

Hey, Mizz Maddnezz here, to give you an update on why it's taking for-fucking-ever to update! On the 23rd of November, in the year of 2009, I had a breakdown and was dragged away by police on the charge of attempted suicide, to a mental facility in Virginia called Poplar Springs. I spent three days in there and am now snug in my own bed. Don't worry, I am okay, but I have a lot on my mind and it will be a few days before I can get back on track. I am sorry for the inconvenience, but I will update as soon as I am stable!

Lovezz, Hugzz and Tacozz,

Mizz Maddnezz


	5. Lost And Found

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I wish I owned iCarly but I don't so I shall just rely on fanfiction to bring couples together and start some freaking drama in one of the greatest Nickelodeon shows there is.

Well I am finally able to write again! Maybe my experience this past week will help set the mood.

Enjoy!

Lovezz, Hugzz and Tacozz,

Mizz Maddnezz

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lost and Found

"Freddie?" Carly called out walking into the apartment, a plate of spaghetti tacos in her hand, "Spencer sent over some food."

"Just set it on the table," Freddie said from where he was curled up on the couch, "I'm not really hungry."

"How are you doing?" Carly asked after she set the plate on the table and sat on the couch with him.

"Better I guess," Freddy said, not making eye contact.

"Spencer told me why you got so upset," Carly said looking down, "I feel really bad about this whole thin**g.**"

"It's okay," Freddie said, "I finally realized that it wasn't really the note that was eating away at my heart, it just made me start thinking about who really loved me and who didn't."

"You know I love you, Freddie," Carly said, "As friends, you know?"

"Yeah I know that," Freddie said, "I thought I needed your love for a little while, but then I saw that I was just looking for something to replace my mother love."

"Freddie," Carly said, "You don't need to replace her love. You will always have her love no matter what."

"Thanks Carly," Freddie said with a little smile.

"My cousin is over," Carly said, "You know Michelle, the six year old?"

"Yeah I remember her," Freddy said.

"She remembers you," Carly said, "She keeps asking where Fred-Fred is."

"Oh," Freddy said calmly.

"Why don't you come over?" Carly asked, "You haven't left this apartment in almost two weeks."

"Yeah," Freddy said a little smile on his face, "Maybe I will."

"Come on," Carly said standing and taking his hand, "Come have dinner with us."

"Oh alright," Freddie said, knowing he wouldn't win this fight.

Carly led him out of the room, grabbing the spaghetti tacos off of the table on the way and pulled him into the Shay apartment. When they walked in, they were greeted by a small blonde, smiling girl with open arms.

"Fred-Fred," Michelle squealed reaching out to him.

"Hey Michelle," Freddie said picking her up and kissing her on the cheek, "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Fred-Fred," Michelle said giggling, "I'm sorry about you losing your mommy."

"Oh," Freddie said his smile slightly fading.

"If Carly will let me after dinner, maybe I can help you find her," The girl said optimistically.

"Oh Michelle," Freddie whispered as he stared down at the girl in his arms. He could feel his heart fall into his stomach as his eyes started to tear up. Suddenly, without even himself knowing he was going to do it, he grinned and laughed softly.

"It's alright Michelle," Freddie said putting her down and patting her head, "I'll see her again someday. No need to find her."

"Hey Freddie," Spencer said coming up behind him suddenly and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Hey Spencer," Freddie said turning around and smiling.

"Wait what?" Carly said her jaw dropping.

"Oh yeah I forgot to tell you," Spencer said, "Were dating."

"You're dating?!" Carly started.

"I think they're a cute couple," Sam said, her first words of the night since she found the plate of ham Spencer had in the fridge. She had been stuffing her face, "Bunch of dweebs."

"Thanks Sam," Freddie said smiling. He might have just become a little bit happier, knowing he had already found his mother. It had taken the arms of a man, the love of his best friends and the sweet words of an innocent child to make him see, she had never really left him. It wasn't pain that had been weighing down in his heart this whole time. It had been his mother. Her spirit still lived in him, no matter how far apart they were.

The End

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well another fanfic conquered. I really hope you enjoyed this! Oh and to the people who commented about me being in Poplar Springs, thanks for your concern! I am doing great. I'm getting better and the loves of my friends and family are helping even more than the meds. I'm pretty sure I will be around, to bring you corny fanfic's forever!

Lovezz, Hugzz and Tacozz,

Mizz Maddnezz


End file.
